Tag Archives: children

Baby laughs: Breaking Sticks

photo

I am breaking sticks, which makes a baby laugh.
I am about seven, the baby about six months.
The sticks are dry, and light in colour,
no bark, old, weathered and no bigger than my baby finger.
The sticks breaking makes a nice sound – pock.
When I see this makes the baby laugh
I get more sticks and break them.
The baby laughs.
I am aware of adults sitting here, one holding the baby.
I am cautious of them, that they might judge my actions.
But I do it anyway.

I am breaking the things that stick and make me stuck. It is very pleasing.

Others’ thoughts:
“When you’ve got the baby you gotta be with the baby – being here now; eye to eye firing mirror neurons of contact. A delightful situation.”
“My seven year old is entertaining my baby, who in turn is encouraging my seven year old, with no interference from my judgmental adults, because sometimes that is what is needed.”
“I am making kindling – kindle.”

Kindle. Kinder. Kinder.

Warms my heart.

Photon Street

DSCN4856.JPGStart at the beginning of now
to deal with the beginning
of the long ago
that got stuck
DNA fear
no refuge found.

And the playing.
The children have truly arrived in the new land,
playing again.

I can ask for help.
I can pray
like this:
Dear divine place and thing and possibility and holder
and dear dear
Dear magnificence
Dear big

Dear microscopic knower of the handbag of the photon
What you got in there?
What you got?
Potential.

Potential in a little photon’s handbag.
Standing there at the little photon bus stop –
looking up at the sun above the little photon buildings
and trees,
little photon birds flying past
like a sweet whistle of a memory.
On photon street, here comes the bus,
here comes the photon bus driver.
Here is the photon bus pass displayed,
that little photon photo ID.

Dear divine speck,
May I feel you,
may I experience the wondrous sensation of your movement,
tiny universal packet of power shooting through me
en route through my little city of wonders,
my gathering of souls of patience
and humour and play.

All movement is right

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Retrospective from 2013

A series of dreams ends with this:

2013_03_05

I am carrying a baby in my arms.
I am aware of how pleasant it feels
to be carrying the baby,

the weight of the child in my arms, 
the grace in the movement.
I feel that when one is carrying a child
and focusing the attention on it

all movement is right,
is meaningful.

These dreams precede the above
(titles and brief synopses/segments):

2013_02_28
young male band may be lip synching, creative woman makes playful ritual work, climb fences, vintage dresses

The young woman artist seems to have made the ritual art
to help me get unstuck and/or to celebrate something –
to remind me about beauty, creativity,
ritual, gifting, unattachment,
trickster energy, young energy,
not worrying about being cool.

2013_03_01
messy apartment, municipal construction, bouncing with men, two cute little children, ride wants me to fix little quilt

Cleansing.
Children and men allies.
Mending a special quilt.

2013_03_02
intervention blocks, dad with blue and gold globe, parties frustrated, hero woman saga

Teen boys could benefit from my father but too risky.
An intervention from my brother contributes
to teen girls not getting active.
It is unnerving to go down a shaft
in iffy buckets with party girls.
Men honour the father who has the blue and gold
supernatural light in a jar.
I’d like to suggest a solution for the damage
that the unaware, entitled friends are causing the host.
I’d like the sad warrior hero woman to let someone
uncover the heritage beauty of her estate
while she is away.
I’d like to convince her that it would be okay
to have a baby in the space.

This one begins the series
(full dream):

2013_02_26
pregnant, First Nations hug, sleeping and breathing underwater

I am pregnant. So is another woman.
I feel young – not wrong that I should be pregnant.
But I am surprised I am as big as I am.
But someone says I’m 40 weeks – or something like that –
but I can’t believe I am – I don’t think I am that big.
Also – some quick flashes of anxiety –
to be about to have a baby and not be ready
– have no foundation set up – a sudden situation.
There are other people around
but they are not necessarily focused on me
or there to help – not there to hinder.
They are aware I am pregnant.
Maybe they are the ones
who reaffirm that I am when I don’t understand.

Walking around a building that is part house,
part gathering place.
Has a grey tone.
Dusk but also the colours of battlements –
and where single guys hang out
Not about colour.
Maybe First Nations guys hanging out.
Single men, various ages.
Events and energy that are not clear
Like they are preparing for an event or altercation.
Patrolling or strolling or pacing along the upper floor outside
– has a view of courtyard and other side of property.
Not about me – I don’t understand.
I see a First Nations man – he reaches out to hug me in a happy way.
Good.

I am below the walkway – in a place like a moat
or a thing that has turned into a moat –
between the outside and inside walls,
really just the main area with water.
I am floating, sort of sleeping underwater.
My feet touch the bottom – soil bottom.
I don’t want to touch it.
I can see through the water.
It is not dirty but I can see things floating in it
as though water is just over the ground –
not a water course – or a body of water or a swimming pool.
But not appetizing or appealing water.
I want to keep sleeping and floating.
I am breathing.
I am wondering about what it means
that I am breathing underwater
Like in utero.
I wonder what that means.

I feel like I might be avoiding something.

 

I feel that when one is carrying a child
and focusing the attention on it
all movement is right,
is meaningful.

Refuge

CCF07112012_00008.jpg
The refugees’ movement toward us is triggering our DNA-held refugee stories.
Anxiety can go through the DNA; we existed in our grandmothers’ bodies.
The fears of our fathers are passed down in traditions, body stances, breathing patterns, averting of gazes, hackles rising at the particular trigger, compassion rising and quelling in a complex dance.
You don’t have to live like a refugee?
We do, somewhere in our bones and dendrites, even if it is just about the memory of leaving our mothers’ bodies, our safe water and land.
I imagine wearing a head scarf as a statement of my own freedom – wearing 10 headscarves if I want.
And the confused, angry young man shackled by his conservative three-colour and ball cap wardrobe has yet to embrace the possibilities of self and self expression. Eh.
Trapped in his refugee DNA.
Last night, this morning, I dream the man in the suit is pursuing the aware, sovereign children with the valuables.
This happens in a hotel complex.
The children are not alone, have a team of other children and even adult allies working together though the allies are unseen.
Now in an unusual, lovely cottagey room, beyond the service corridors, at sea level with a sea vista, I worry that the man is coming.
I encourage them to leave behind a piece of the treasure, something gold like a signet ring, hidden to recover later, because the man is getting closer.
In the hotel complex I am disoriented. I find it hard to return to my room.
I will take the elevator to the second floor and start there.

I have been working toward taking back my projection of the male, the masculine.

Here the dream is asking, among other things, “What is the hotel complex?”
Temporary accommodation – supposed to be about relaxation, and also staying here to accomplish business and move on.
And also a place of intrigue because so many lives can intersect.
And life can feel like a hotel – such a short time, with so many going in so many different directions – with different agendas – and no fixed address.

I seek refuge.

I worry about the man.

I rush the children away from the sea vista – the see vista.

A cottage can be a temporary refuge too, where we orient ourselves by the ocean, receive direction from the unconscious source to see more clearly.

Look at all these others right by the ocean and yet hidden behind brick walls!

Maybe the treasure does not need to be hidden anymore. Maybe the sovereign signet ring can be recovered and used – the sovereign seal on sovereign documents, messages, decrees. What that might look like … signify … yes.