Perspective is everything:
While I am researching the occurrence of ladder imagery in my dreams I come upon something that quietly astounds me in that it is a giant message of comfort that I have missed almost entirely.
When my mother died I asked for a sign – or perhaps made or chose a sign of connection with her: the birch tree.
Apparently the sadness of separation I had felt from her much of my life was infused into this symbol in spite of itself, perhaps in spite of my mother’s best intentions, and in spite of my desire for a true connection with her. In first reading the dream I missed the promise in the symbol’s bounty.
In 2009 two weeks after my mother’s birthday I dream:
I am at a park or retreat – other people are there – in their 20s or 30s.
Like a chalet.
Nice hilly setting.
Up nestled into the hill I see a patch of huge birch trees – they are gigantic and some are grown together at the base – they are beautifully placed in the side of the hill.
They must be 10 feet in circumference.
I have never seen birch trees this big…
There are maybe 10 trees.
There is something clean and real about them – reassuring – unlike most of the rest of the energy on this property.
It is like they belong to the property from when it was an estate – times of nobility and integrity.
At that time, in my reflection following the dream I note the connection to my mother, but it is not until now, almost seven years later that I feel the loveliness of the imagery and the support it can convey.
To be fair to myself, I also see the strength of the complex that was at play between my mother and myself, and the resulting relationship to my internal mother.
Wordy communication was not our way – more like moods and resulting suppositions.
And it is just so darn impressive how one can keep replicating this original experience of separation over years through the imagination as though it is still in play, inevitable, part of the “architecture”.
The confusion and frustration resulting from living with unconfirmed theories is reflected in the next scene.
The dream points toward the layer (grungy 70s carpet) of the past that is impeding progress:
But in the building the architecture is challenging.
The steps up to the loft that have to be climbed like a ladder are sloped and covered in carpet.
So the age shows – grungy.
Maybe they have been like this since the 70s.
I wonder if this was done on purpose as a psychological challenge.
I think it is stupid.
And it really does make more work and less efficiency and imposes unnecessary danger.
By revisiting an old dream I get to acknowledge having come far enough in mending my mother relationship to be able to see how that carpet of the past imposed such interference!
The above are excerpts from a dream of many scenes. And there are more levels to this dream, but for today I take this as a reminder to check my assumptions and check my old dreams for new information! I know that dreams communicate information for the immediate situation and reveal themselves over time. This is confirmation.
Another repeating motif from this dream that I will investigate later is estate!
Meanwhile back to the ladder research…