Author Archives: dreamelady

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About dreamelady

Dreamworker, community artist, educator.

2 Willing Sacrifices

at beach

2 months since a Summer Solstice dream.
At the beach attempting to write blog related words.

Following epic partner meltdown in waking life, the dream comes up with three scenes:

A young wife secretly hoping to upgrade to a better marriage.
Meanwhile her Latino husband returns from the dead.
By his fully engaged, wondrous actions descending the steep, stepped hill of an ancient southern valley, young people follow him – enthusiastic acolytes.
“Maybe,” she thinks, “he’s not such a bad catch after all.”
He does not resent her questioning, moving on, his forward motion too clear to doubt.
I begin the descent, seeing I can do it one step at a time.

Meanwhile the catch – the seafood:
The Inuit shaman shows me how to treat the creature, prepare the creature from the depths – pillow-shaped with big eyes – a willing sacrifice on the table heaped with seafood – gift of abundance to me from the depths.
I must not be distracted by my concern over what to do with the abundance,
or by my fear for the creature, but learn something important here as the man makes a fine, shallow incision across the eye,
the creature still aware.

Then, in the coastal city:
I want the languorous students to return to the room of learning.
I tell the young man I want a world where young people grow up to have critical thinking skills.
In this moment of summer when the sun stands still the young people meander toward the seabus.

And so:
A marriage – 2 willing sacrifices – 2 shamans
– seafood – students – seabus – summer  solstice.

In waking life I have dream friends who point out:
The willing sacrifice is the I/eye – the ego – I of limiting judgement.
Pay attention to emotion as the abundant gift of the depths – water gifts.
Leadership not through instruction and insistence, but through undeniable engagement, after the resurrection, after the willing sacrifice of ego and judgement.
Irresistible enthusiasm after bringing divine knowledge from the heights of sacrifice – to the grounded place of practical application,
one step at a time.

2 months on I am at the beach, having experienced summer adventures, now getting a notion about the see of the sea – ways of seeing.
The brilliance of the summer sun and the depths of the unconscious work together to make me see.

Awakened by sleeping.

Sleep man Wake woman.

Prehistoric Mammal Brain

Sister, Sister

If the prehistoric mammal won its sub-surface struggle with the octopus–like creature (They were almost as long as the boat.)
and if that animal evolved as a result of its struggle,
and if it then appeared as a scruffy lion climbing on board the boat, engendering (I think) naïve praise for its courage,
and if a mangy rat jumped out of the lion’s ear (What a survivor’s survivor!)
and scrabbled across the deck to who knows where,
and then I retreated to the cabin where there is at least organized space
and a door for protection,
should I be worried?

Is the lion my mammalian brain, come to help on the journey, and I just have to learn how to live with it?

Is the journey a short one, we are out in the bay, and are we doing research, or going fishing, or perhaps both?

I am compelled to warn the seemingly naïve shipmates that the lion is a badass.
And that is the word my nephew recently used on my birthday card:

Don’t stop being a badass.

So, my current mammalian brain – all about relating and community and nurturing – is this scruffy, buff-coloured, hunter/survivor, recently evolved from the pre-historic (before I could make my own story) state through struggle, unconscious-to-conscious.

I am of two minds (at least) about this emergent beast.

Badass is good for not caring what people think, which is my recent goal inasmuch as I need to go forward without being hobbled by the namby-pamby voices that block creativity and the good work.

And badass is an attention getter when it comes to making an appearance – clearly this sea-surviving, sea-going lion has made an appearance.

But how to have it not wreak havoc.

Or maybe that is the point.

My naïve research associates are perhaps sufficiently unconcerned about the havoc to allow the emergence,
and I will do my dance of fear and turn to the organized, contained space of the people who run this boat (Yay – someone who knows how to run the boat!),
and get ready for a sea cruise.

Questions:
Is the lion also a lying?
Where is the badass rat?
What’s it feel like to really be a badass (thrill shudder)?
How to do research on the ocean with a lion (and rat) on board…?

Can’t believe this object exists; thanks to artist Vera Balyura of verameat.com.

Can’t believe this object exists; thanks to artist Vera Balyura of verameat.com.

Link

ARCHITECTURE
A unifying or coherent form or structure

I'm going to read three poems

The undulating floorboards of a classroom – gentle moguls of my dream – smooth as silk, worn smooth through use, having been beautifully constructed to begin with. Months later I see the real thing has manifested in Puebla, Mexico, made by Ten Architectos: a park covered in undulating wood. I have imagined that in walking the floor of my dreams one would be compelled to give over to the rolling movement of creativity, of sensuality, dance, of child’s play, rolling over smooth wooden hummocks, lying on these reclines, inclines, inclined to read a book, or roll over and talk to a friend, roll over and look at the new horizon. The floor leads to the outside, does not require a ceiling.

Recently I experienced beautiful dream architecture seen mirrored in huge windows – generous gothic arches – exquisite – detail – materials – height.

I cannot describe these things because they are to be experienced and I know in the dream that the beauty is to be embodied – because how else can we take it with us? I say out loud, “Don’t you just want to take it with you!?” And there is mystery in the reflection. In my awake mind I am wondering if the meaning of reflection in that dream represents projection – the mystery of how we sometimes get it right while coming from the single point perspective of the small human, loving heart. Well, if I could – if I could – if I could share that moment with you, I would say, “It’s like we are young and going forward in that way that young legs propel, and the youthful hunger for experience keeps heading for the possible.
“In the dream I say out loud, “Oh, I will be so glad to finally start!”

Then there are the dream buildings that I am supposed to drop from – just let go:

The condo tower 10-15 stories high. My dead father shows me how – just step off and down he goes into the marina where the huge, black fish is curious about the oblivious diver. I am afraid of the fall and want to take the elevator, but there is confusion about which goes up and which goes down. The young woman is helping me find my ID and shoes to get on the plane.

The old stone structure that is right beside the river. The boy says, “Well,” and just drops straight down into the river, makes himself comfortable in the current examining the bedrock. The earth quakes and there is an exodus of ships leaving the coast.

In another dream there are ships off which the tourists are stepping – dropping straight down into the ocean from a great height.

All the classroom dreams:

The oppressive private school with the pretend magic and the trickster stairwells. One threatens to dump me out the window down to the parking lot. Illusions.

The classrooms that continue to morph with fewer walls, opening out into nature.

The students are distracting me with music and coloured light. By the glass-walled classroom the Maori teacher has all the staff sing me an apology. I feel silly, but it helps.

The young man released from the classroom to the streets brings me back my natural medicines and essential oil that have been opened in such a way that they cannot be closed. He holds them out to me. He is fed up with my dithering.

Let go of the structure, free the students from my angst and resentment and confusion.

Drop into the water.

So much is possible, is happening. Embodying it, taking it with you.

Sky Reflecting

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Listening to the CBC I heard an interview with someone involved in setting up the Biodome in Montreal.

When he spoke of the emotional response of the scientists to the request for their vision in designing the Biodome I was moved, too. Whereas, usually they would be hired to execute an assignment – do the job as described – here they were being asked for what they wanted, what they desired, what they envisioned. And what they wanted was to present nature to the public in a way that would make people see its beauty and want to take care of it.

In that moment an idea coalesced and the words: “Dreams are the poems of science” came to me. This is my understanding of the creative beauty of science – the knowledge of our minds and souls/bodies/hearts – as brought to us via the amazing vehicle of dreams. I wanted to go to the Biodome, meet scientists, ask them their dreams, see the convergence of outer and inner science in the synchronicity of the happenings in nature and the dreams of scientists. Later that day my best friend, the one with whom I have had synchronous dream events, emailed asking if I would like to go on an adventure to Montreal. I said yes, and did and the image above is from the Gulf of St. Lawrence ecosystem, one of four beautiful, contained ecosystems that the Biodome offers. I was in love with a skate and photographed it coming to the surface and turning upside down, showing its mouth and so on. Then it lay on the bottom and blinked up through the water with sky-reflecting eyes.

Dreams are the poems of science. They are singing through us, born of impulses and information that want beauty, power, healing.

Dreams are made of thought, blood, bone and soul. They blink at us from deep down through sky-reflecting eyes.

Matriarch

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Matriarch you are wanting.

You are wanting control and the best for your children as you know it.

You are wanting, but your want is above clarity, above and beyond the clear seeing with only your concerns, your wringing concerns that squeeze the joy and spontaneity out of life and lives and children.

God, you are beautiful even at this age and regal, but not so warm and not so smart as you think because your children hide themselves from you and so you don’t know them and you don’t know the facts of their lives and so you don’t know the foundation of your creation, this family you have brought to this place.

Matriarch, if I love you, if I can (and do I have to?), I wonder if you deserve it.

I would want beauty to blossom with age instead of this flourishing pallor of control in the skin of your face.

You are a juggler of beauty and control, but neither can win because something will be dropped and perhaps both.

Crash the control and the beauty is – oh – there is more beauty there in your surprise, in the ecstasy of your sorrow as you think it’s all lost now.

Face is lost, but your face is found.

Matriarch, you are wanting, but your wanting would change from this ring, this ring of children standing around waiting to berate and condemn and make to feel guilty the one who broke the rules, who wrote, who went away and wrote things down and lost the noose of obligation and did not grieve though he needed to.

Matriarch, you are wanting, but where is your love?

The magician in the square was talking about you, wasn’t she?

The cover is almost blown.

You are a myth.

Yes, I know, happiness is not guaranteed and sometimes all you have left is your dignity, but is there no faith in love?

Your writer son has tried to have faith in love, has drunk the wine to forget that the mother of his love on earth, his matriarchal heart needs a healing he has not imagined in all his letters, in all his lovers – he has not imagined the scene, the atmosphere, the blossom of what particular tree that would satisfy the wanting, would return the colour to the face of the mother.

Matriarch, your arch, your rule is informed by a shame that goes back so very long, that goes back to a longing misplaced.

Maybe it was a unique event, a girl woman’s walk across a square away from the gaze of the men who were on alert and she wasn’t expecting it, but she woke up and went stiff and kept walking and then the men wanted something they could not share and so it began.

The frugal distribution of affection and flirtation to keep the peace, to keep the honour, to keep the status, to keep the estate, the wealth, the access to the money, per year and all for what?

Can you count that up for me and send me the bill?

(Response to dream of 2013_05_08)

Old Technology

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Being creeped out, I prefer to leave the man who might be a murderer, in the open concept but dark house in the trees, to the conservative, neat and tidy woman who would sleep with him.

I now have to deal with the weirdness of having a third breast on my shoulder, a prominent location on my body, vulnerable. Something our father has put here has grown to this. It reminds me of Celtic armour, and Janet Jackson. It seems to be getting attention for making a statement – but not my statement. I am wearied by the hassle of dealing with it and sorting out the mystery of it.

A travelling friend, a Scott, may not have time to join me for a swim in the lake before getting back on board. Maybe it’s too far or he doesn’t want to be wet while travelling.

A wooded area, the side of a small mountain.
A technical man at the top of a pole where three things hold it up – maybe to receive or send messages, or to be able to intercept something incoming – an attack?
He’s part of our team, he, another man and I.
Up a small hill – open rooms like a bunker – cement pads – layers resting on something.
Decomposing or turning into something else – partly made of mushroom/fungus.
Combining organic growth with planned structures.
An old idea left to develop on its own without certainty that it would turn out.
Developing on its own from neglect or time passing.
Old radios lit up – repurposed – one is a large upright console – almost moving with the energy coming through it – receiving something, part of a relay, with light moving out of it diagonally.
This is a room of concrete set aside for such things, all this action, defence and military and communications, set away from society, in secret, now maybe of use.

[From Apr. 26, 2012]

Dreams are the poems of science

I have a body, or perhaps I am a body, or perhaps a body has me.
In recent dreams I am so much in the body I can’t remember the dreams, events of sensation that pass as soon as they occur.
I believe this is a healing.
I am tired.
No prefrontal cortex need be involved to make meaning from the sleeping experience.
No mammalian brain is stimulated, and the reptilian?
It seems the body has its own brain: the location of body thought is in the cells and perhaps in subtle fields, and wraiths of experience are untraceable, but they exist.
They exist like anything else fleeting and untraced, untracked, registered and gone with no print, a healing trail read only in the better, the good, the relieved, the lessening of pain, the presence of hope and possibility.
We bend our heads, listening, looking, smelling, sensing, to understand and come into alignment with the healed, suspended in a state we cannot understand, and that’s a good thing.